I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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