I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
