How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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