lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
