he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
smell my finger.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
