I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
