now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
