Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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