Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
