I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
