We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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