You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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