he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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