I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
