That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
