his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
