We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
