Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
