i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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