she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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