I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
