planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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