I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
