they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
