Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
