i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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