Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize