i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
