I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize