I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
