At least make sure they are 18
Why
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
