quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
