She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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