I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
