so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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