my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
