I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
