How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
