We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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