I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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