yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
