It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
