Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
