they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
