I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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