Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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