im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
