the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
