You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
