I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
