i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
