Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
