dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
