We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
