Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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