You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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