I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
