i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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