After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize