I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
