He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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