If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
