I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
