the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
