I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
