He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
