I need to stop coming to work sober
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
