There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
