As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
