I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
organizing the empties. That sober.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
