They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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