She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
