I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
