her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize