you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so explain again why im purple
no
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
