I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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