i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
