please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
