I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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